No Regrets?

On November 3, 2011 I lost a dear friend. She took her life. I had known her since 1986, we were freshman's in high school. She sat in front of me in typing class. I immediately liked her because she was carefree, feisty, and fun to be around. We used to go surfing at the beach together. We got married about the same time and started having kids at the same time. She moved away, then I moved away but we always kept in touch. This past year we both ended up in the same place we started so I was able to reconnect with her. I saw first hand the pain that she was in. She suffered for twenty years from depression, OCD, anorexia, and other things. Then four years ago she and her husband divorced and she lost custody of her children. She was heartbroken and very wounded. No matter what anyone said or did, or what she did, that pain would never go away. There were times that I was upset with her because I could only stand by and watch her self destruct. This wasn't the first time she attempted suicide, there were many times. She had many friends and family members that deeply loved her but it didn't seem to make a difference. She loved God and she loved her children very much. I asked God like why didn't things work out better for her, why didn't the pain stop, and I don't understand it all. But I know that God's ways are not our ways. God is in control and He knew the day and the hour to the minute that she would come home with him. Its as if he said ok its enough, enough pain, enough suffering- time to come home. Suicide is a sin- but not the unpardonable sin. She never denied her Lord and Savior Jesus. When her mother called me I went over to the house and sat there all day crying with her mom. We were shocked and tried to make sense of it all. Its hard to believe that someone can be here one day and gone the next. I can honestly say that I wish I had been there more for her in her suffering. I wish that I would have just loved her more. If I had one more day with her I would have told her that I loved her and maybe I would have tired to make her laugh or just sat and listened to her. I take comfort in the fact that she isn't suffering, her pain is gone, and she is with the Lord. I have peace in my heart. Her daughter spoke at the funeral and she said that her mom was very spiritual and she never understood that until now (her daughter used to call herself an atheist) and she asked everyone to pray and she ended the prayer with- in Jesus name. Even though my dear friend suffered she was able to convey to others the love of Jesus and I know that God is going to bring beauty from these ashes. One of her user id's on her computer was "surfinwitjesus" and that's where she is.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants. Psalm 116:15